Reader Beware… LOL!!!

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01-14-2007

The House has just settled down… There is nothing in the background to hear except the whirring of the ceiling fan above me.  And the faint whisper of the soft snoring coming from the bedroom, he hasn’t really even gotten started yet.  The volume will grow stronger with each breath until I can hear him loud and clear… Even through the closed door.  He eases into sleep like I ease into writing… Softly at first and then once he’s in… He’s in for the long haul.  Knocked out soundly climbing into those dreams of his that take him to places without stress, without anger, where occasionally I hear him giggle or even verbalize things… Once he even verbalized my name during an erotic dream.  I could tell due to the soft moaning and the undulating of his hips ever so slightly- even in his sleep.  He was also rock hard… A definite confirmation…

He asked if I was ready to go to bed.  I said “In a little while…”

When he asked me… I was up to my elbows in soap suds and dirty dishes trying to clean up our kitchen from the small intimate dinner we’d had with a girlfriend and her significant other.  I had at least an hour to go in my current condition on crutches to finish up everything I needed to do before retiring for the night.  This question he posed to me while it was too much effort for him to go retrieve our mattress pad from the clothes dryer, as it had to be washed earlier in the day from the mess the newest puppy had left on it this morning.  It was clean, it was dry and yet a simple walk to the dryer in our garage was way too much effort for him to muster while I did the dishes and cookware all from a party of 4, standing on only 1 good leg… (No Weight bearing on the broken ankle and leg for 6 months, remember?) 

So here I am… Irritated as usual posing a question to any willing responses out there… Are some men just born naturally lazy when it comes to their household? And Is it an issue that can ever be fixed?

First… Let me give credit where credit is due… He Does work 12 hour days 5 days a week and a 10 hour day on 1 day a week… He averages about 65 hours on any given week- at his workplace… Granted some days are busier than others, but he does pull the time there.  His Only day off is Sunday and I do my best Not to ask him to do anything much on Sundays because it IS his only day off.  When we started this arrangement of me following my career path, we knew I would have the more flexible schedule and he would be forced to pull long hours to keep us going until my business grew strong, so I took on the greater majority of household duties.  This was Fine with me until I broke my leg and I became unable to complete some of my tasks in any sort of efficient way, some not at all.  However, somewhere along the way— EVERYTHING became my responsibility, other than cooking.  He likes to cook, and did a whole lot more of it in the first year we were together… Now he wants fast-food for the convenience of it and I’m sick and tired of having to choose between Wendy’s and Taco Bell, or maybe let’s change it up a little and go to Arby’s… What a stretch!! So now I’m dabbling in cooking simply so we don’t have to eat out 6 out of 7 nights a week.

Last night we got in a huge argument because he didn’t want to clean the puppy’s poo off of our backdoor steps (lately that seems to be where she’s landing) at 10pm at night when I asked him if he’d had a chance to do it earlier in the day… Granted- It was 10pm at night, but he’d said at 10am that morning that he was going to accomplish two important things during the day.  #1 was to clean off a week’s worth of puppy poo from the steps and #2 was to take down our HOLIDAY LIGHTS!!! 

Ummmm… Yes, we are in the third week of January and my husband has still not taken them down.  I’m so embarrassed.  I mean, really!!  Our house is not so big that it would take him anymore than MAYBE 20minutes to retrieve them from their little plastic clips on the shingles.  I helped him put them up, I should know!  He needs someone to hold the ladder on the steps because of the height of the apex on our roof, it’s high… even for him.  If it weren’t for my current incapacitation, I would have already had them down two weeks ago right after New Years Day… Along with the rest of the neighborhood!

But That isn’t even what we fought about… I did not nag him about the lights yesterday because it WAS Playoffs Day.  And I do try my best to not interrupt the pleasure he has in the game… I am learning it too and actually beginning to like football now that I understand more of what’s going on.  But the poo… The Poo was a different issue all together.  It is RIGHT on the steps.  It is waiting for AnyOne who steps out there to be attacked.  Shortly thereafter the poo will make its way into the house via hitching a ride on some poor unsuspecting shoe and Voilà… now it’s all over the place. 

Completely Unacceptable.  This behavior is stubborn, selfish, irresponsible and childish.  To make matters worse, he starts in that condescending voice with the “Yes, Ma’am, I’s got yours chores done now, I’s swept the steps witchur broom, do ya wanta me to clean dems off too?”  I was furious. 

A. Do Not act as if I have been ordering your ass around like a slave when I’ve been doing my very best broken or not to continue doing all that I could around the house so that you wouldn’t have to.

B.  Are you kidding Me?? No, Really, Are you serious?? You, (being a supposedly Grown Man) are asking if you should actually clean and wipe canine feces off of the steps we walk on or is it ok to just leave the residual poo there?? I looked at him as if he had three heads… EWWWWW!!!  Why was this even a question??  OF COURSE YOU SHOULD CLEAN IT OFF MORON!!!! 

For as much credit I give my husband for being highly intelligent, sometimes… Not that often… but Sometimes he amazes me at the level of  his blatant stupidity!

Really… I’m not here to bitch and moan… Ok, well tonight I am, lol!  But it was not my main purpose in writing tonight.  Really I just wanted to know from ANY male out there… What is it about working so many hours that grants a feeling of entitlement and even gives permission to you NOT to feel responsible for ANY of the household goings-on??  If the bills are paid does that mean that the inside of the house could fall to pieces and you really wouldn’t care??  Or is does it all stem off of being a Mama’s Boy who was never taught simple things like how to properly wash a dish, because his were always done for him? Or how to pick his dirty clothes off of the floor and put them in a dirty clothes hamper that only rests 2 feet from where you remove your clothes, because that was always done for him too? Or how to fold laundry as soon as the dryer is done in order to minimize wrinkles and such?  Or how to squeeze a small trigger to a user-friendly Clorox Wipe-Up Bottle over some freaking poo on the steps, and then… wait… one step further… use a rag or even some disposable paper towels to wipe over it and CLEAN the poo away?????

And people ask me why I waited thirty years before getting married??

Dangerous Tide

The river needs the moon to continue its ride,

The ocean shifts and gently flows along with the tide…

Pain inside a heart will shadow that of physical kind

When a heart does the weeping, tears will melt the mind. 

We do not ask for pain and sorrow or plead for suffering strife

The lessons to be learned will come within our life

They come by way of madness, by agony and by fear

They come by way of problems both far away and near.  For better or for worse is a powerful vow to take

But Love and joyous laughter make the promise easy to make

What happens when that Love is tested, battered up and bruised?

What happens when the one you love becomes the painfully accused? 

Where do you go when it’s his arms you long to be held in?

What do you say when he won’t begin to listen?

Why does it hurt so badly when you realize there is no control?

Why does he fault you vehemently, when the pain is crushing your soul? 

As the tide goes in and out again, the moon controls the flow

Where the river meets the sea, the dangers come and go…

The danger in living with and loving your Best Friend is this…

What do you do when your world is crashing and what you need most is his kiss?

So… Where did I leave off?  Ohhh… My first Day doing things MY Way… or at least a ton closer to what My Way eventually became… 

Well after sifting through about 65 e-mails after my first posting… By the way, I posted on a then-reputable Ladies Board (at the top of it’s game in that day and time) at the advice of the Lady I mentioned in my previous post.  She had set me up with a photographer, helped me to get a website in order and overall had just been a super influence on me.  I don’t hesitate to give credit where credit is due…Had it not been for her caring input, intelligent advice and overall generosity I would have still been calling into that Agency.  But now I had a little bit of everything in my box, lol!  I had other ladies welcoming me aboard; I had a few girls giving me their “advice” on where my rates should stand, HA!  Right… I’m gonna price my time Waaay Above or Waaay Below the Ladies in my area… (Did they really think I was dumb enough to actually do That!!)  I had a few inquiries regarding couples, I had some fetish inquiries and I had quite a few of the standard ICK e-mails… You know the ones…

“Hey Baby… I’m Big and Strong and such a Stud & You should be honored that I’d like to fuck you!! When are you cumming my way?!?!  Do You have any more pics of your pussy? Oh and what about some face Pics!“   EEEWWWWW… #1 Cause for immediate Delete!

But as I sorted and categorized and made a viable list of respectful e-mails that I wanted to respond to… I got excited!  Then I found through my correspondences with these friends that there are quite a few Gentlemen out there that Actually value your time as much as their own… And sometimes even more so… 

So I set my first day’s appointments… I got a terrific nights’ sleep and I headed out early to make the drive up to that same Northern City that carried the Revolving Door Agency.  But Today was different, it was on my own terms, with Gents that I had both spoken to personally and had numerous e-mails with in order to put us both at ease!  For my intents and purposes- I was headed up to start working on making friends!  Hopefully friends that I would get to see again and again! 

I checked into my room, and set to preparations immediately… I wanted everything to be just right.  I was carrying my little CD Boombox at the time… Not having a laptop yet to play CD’s on (LOL!) and I had a few candles with me that I wanted to light… At that time I think the few candles I had picked up were simply to dissipate any negative energy that had been stagnant in my room, lol… But Later I began following suit with Lots of candles after a beautiful Lady that would become a lifelong friend… (Holy Crap!! The luggage she carries!!! ) Off topic and will come back to her soon ;o)  Anyway… My spirituality deals a lot with energy work and majick and the candles that day were meant to help me… turns out he Loved the atmosphere so I figured out that it was a good thing to go a little extra out of the way— somehow the little things make All of the difference… For Both of Us…

I took my shower and finished getting ready just as he called up to get my room number and I had put on a sheer Black Robe with a silk belt over a Black and White Corset with Black Lace Boyshorts underneath.  My Black silk thigh-highs had lace around the top that matched the lace in my Boyshorts and I had on my then-favorite pair of Black Enzo Angiolini’s.   Pointed toe, Tall thin heels. Perfect. 

I had light Sade playing in the room when I welcomed him in… I took his coat and hung it up and much to my surprise he’d brought a very thoughtful gift with him.  Apparently he had taken the time to actually read my entire website and he’d picked up on the mentioning of a few things.  WOW! Was I impressed!  Here I was expecting to pamper a new friend and he had started our time by pampering me!  From that minute forward I knew I had headed down the right new path! 

We simply sat and talked for awhile enjoying each other’s company and enjoying that unique freshness that only the newest of friends can bring.  Completely immersed in learning the fun little tidbits about one another that we were each willing to share… And just like that… the comfort level was established and so the next natural step was that giddy electricity that happens right when you experience a first kiss.  A long, slow, sensual, lingering kiss that seemed to last for days… As we continued to kiss the energy continued to build between us and as we melted into one another we both knew this would not be the last time we’d share a stolen moment of the day together… 

This blog will be only for me… and for the few people I care to share it with.  It will be solely for me… An outlet if you will to a life that has been created, albeit without regret, but a life that has been created and completely intertwined with another human being… aka a Husband.  I Need something of my own, period.

So I go to my friends blog and She & I used to be partners in crime, quite literally, lol… But since she had spoken so highly of her blogspace and the community there… I decided to give it a try )

No Offence to WordPress… But This was not my first choice, although a close second… So Here I am.  My first choice was Escortblogs.net…  See I used to be an Escort and I wanted to write amidst a community that could completely understand the heart and soul of my blogs.  If I am going to put forth the effort to actually write these things then I wanted to have the opportunity to bounce some things off of those people who I truly feel understand me best… And understand the sense of longing that I still feel so often to be back in the middle of things. 

Apparently that may not happen because I no longer have an active Escort website… This Sucks…  I feel like I have had the door shut on me as I was returning home…  I wanted to be able to read and absorb the input from others who like me are appreciative of the Sex Industry in general and who can understand the massive changes in my life that have taken place since I yanked myself so abruptly out of my past world…  Maybe I’ll still find that here… Who Knows?

Soooo… Why do I need to write?  I’m not very consistent at it… I’m not very consistent at just about anything…  Every-time I start a path that feels like it has the potential to take me places… Somehow I tend to self-sabotage or even worse… I just let it fizzle out…  I must have about 12 journals around my house that I have started for one purpose or another and yet… they continue to lay about collecting years of time and layers of dust.  Could this one be any different?  Maybe it will be… Time will tell, but this I know… My friend is one of the most gifted, intelligent, beautiful, genuine women that I have ever known and so because of my immense respect for her and her ideas- i decided to give it a try… it has already helped to stop the tears from flowing so I guess we’re getting somewhere.  Why am I surprised…..

So I used to be an Escort.  I used to be good at it… Actually… I like to believe that I was Great at it.  What made me different, you may ask…  I actually Cared, cared about my clients, cared about the other ladies, cared about the Sex Industry as a whole.  I was in the business strictly by choice.  When I chose to walk that road I had just ditched a corporate bad ass job that was costing more of my soul than they were paying me to fill it back up…  ICK!  When my supervisor asked me why I hadn’t put an 80+ year old woman on the lobby phone to an automated customer service center instead of helping her balance her checkbook as her newly deceased husband had never taught her how and he’d always run their finances… I answered “because she needed personal help and support,” but apparently the personal support to our not-so-affluent customers was a waste of my time according to him and I should have been spending that time doing proactive phone calls to upper echelon clientele only.  Because THAT is a Financial Specialist’s job….  WhatEver!!! 

So I found myself walking out of the highest paying job that I’d ever had in order to preserve what portion of my morals and sanity that I could and for the very first time ever- I had walked away from a position without having a plan of where to go to next… Didn’t want to be in Retail, didn’t want to go back to the food industry, considered doing an Events Planner type thing but somehow nothing seemed to fit just right.  Did I mention that I’d graduated with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Administration, And had a concentration in Finance?  Higher Education had served me well in obtaining a high-pay, high-stress job that I’d begun to hate…  Great!

So a couple of trusted friends and I were sitting with a few bottles of wine one night and began discussing all of the different facets of the Sex Industry simply as a girl-night chatter topic.  Fetish Providers, Sensual Massage Providers, GFE’s, PSE’s, Phone-Sex Entertainers, Dancers, and of course… Escorts.  Ooooh… We might be onto something…

I started researching the business after that night and decided that It sounded like fun.  I’d get to Travel, plan my own schedule, run my own business and meet some really great people, (and well… also met a few really not so great people- but let’s face it- with anything you take the good with the Bad.)

My first step was to get my foot in the door… How do you do that?  The ways and means are probably as diverse as the number of ladies out there… but for me- I signed up with an agency.  Sounded like a plan… not such a good planafter all, but I was still learning.  My thoughts were at least an agency would link me up to clients, how else would I find them? I had NO IDEA that the business was so widely frequented in so many various areas, and that I could so easily set up a website to market myself, place a few ads and the rest would come… Sounded way too easy to be true.  

Well, my first day on the job came and I was excited and nervous and scared and Excited mostly, lol!  But as a precautionary measure I took one of my trusted companions along with me to a larger city north of me and I booked 2 separate hotel rooms next to each other so that she could hang out there all day and keep her ears open in case I found myself in a bad situation.  What a true friend… Lmao.  She spent an entire day of her life simply reading books and watching TV in a random hotel room all by herself so that she could be at my side ;o)  We look back and laugh at the experience now…  but it was an eventful day for me… I figured out exactly how harsh those agencies could be as they sent me client after client like a revolving door that day, I think I saw about 12 people… some 1/2 hour sessions, a few 1 hour sessions…  Wow, how naive I was to this whole thing! 

So as a Newbie, about 2 weeks later I found out exactly how much I’d been taken advantage of … I just look back and smile now because I didn’t know at the time the ins and outs of the biz and had no idea how much I was giving away freely for those few weeks— no pun intended, lol.  But my trusted friend had a male-friend who had frequented a top Independent Lady in the area- so she linked us together and he put me into contact with a respectable Lady who told me to get out of the agency immediately if not sooner.  She was an intelligent, caring, highly respected lady and after meeting with her I decided that I would follow all of her advice.  So up went the website, up went the posts to a few critical boards, up went the pictures and BOOM!!!! Into my Inbox the inquiries came, Holy Cow!! I’d never suspected such a response!  Turns out… Everyone likes to try out the new kid on the block and that’s where it starts. 

I’d decided that I was a Genuine Lady and had no desire to rush people in and out of my presence.  I decided to move into the Independent area slowly, but surely and to only see a couple of people per day.  I wanted to have the time to clear off the bed linens, remake the sensual atmosphere, shower, change and completely immerse myself in the potential for the next encounter with a new friend.  This is truly how I saw my business… Providing special time, energy and caring was the goal, and a bonus included full body physical release of the stresses of the day for my friend.  I wanted to enjoy this job, after all- stress was the primary reason for leaving my prior occupation.  If I was going to do something for me- shouldn’t I enjoy the experience too?  That first day as an Independent Provider made All of the difference in the world!  A whole new world that would eventually lead me to so many good-times, a few bad-times, some lifelong connections, a Fabbbulous Doubles Partner and eventually this blog…

But That leads into another story for another day…

Kisses and Sweet Longings…

Ana

Can you feel it when Hope leaves your soul? Do you know when your depth is being bested?While you’re stumbling down the path of despair, Would you know that your Love is being tested?  

Can you try again when your Faith seems so weak?Will you walk another mile in the Storm?Does the sound of the heart beating within you Cause you to strive for the flight or to mourn? 

Can your wings be repaired once again?Will the shining of the sun be your enemy or your friend?Could the power of your Spirit urge you to keep moving forward Or will the power of your Fear seek your end? 

Can you keep your heart open to Trust?Will your demons find a safe place to lie?Does the echo of pain from so long agoCause your strength to rise up or to die?  

Can you keep your words under restraint?Will you shout out and fight or shut down after all?Would it matter if either was right or was wrong, And would either of these have impact on your fall? 

Can he hear when your fragile heart breaks?Will he ever understand the messages he sends?Does it ever even begin to just cross his mind that it was him that made you Believe once again? 

Can he read your mind in its dark, lonely terror?Will he continue in this insensitive way?Could he change his ways if he cared quite enoughOr will his darkness in the end make you pay? 

Can you believe in the Power of Love?Will you be even sorrier that you tried?Will the heartache and pain and the desire to believeIn the end be worth the tears that you cried? 

Can you keep your head strong for the trial?Will you be able to keep holding on?Could your demons be doing the talking That have you so scared that you’ve won? 

Can the questions I’ve asked be unanswered?Will you strive to move on and Believe in your Love?Could You possibly be your own worst enemy?Will you Keep Faith in your Goddess Above? 

Can You?????????

 12-14-07